Hesitation. I have mastered hesitation. I hesitate every time I'm sitting at the drive thru- even though I already know what I'm going to order. Hesitation before I boldly walk up to him to say hi knowing I'm too awkward to say anything else. I then find a reason to leave because I will hesitate doing anything but leaving the situation. I Hesitate before I sing hymns in church just to make sure everyone else is singing so I wasn't the only one suffering through the monotone mumbles of the congregation.there is a hesitation before I do something brave- because I know the possibility and the reality of failure. I hesitate before jumping into the icy lake knowing the consequences. My toes stretch to touch the top of the water then I decide its not worth it. Hesitation before I try something new. Something new that might damage my pride and leave me vulnerable. Something new that leaves me broken and lost.Hesitation before being honest. i don't want to hesitate, i just do. Being honest with you is hard not because I'm a liar but because sometimes I'm not a fan of reality. Because sometimes reality hurts and tears people apart. Hesitation. Doubts. Unsurities . And Insecurities. These are real. Real because they make us human. They make us who we are. And this I who I am- even though I strive to not be hesitant. Evan let me be honest, bold, and brave. I hesitate to let go her, because Evan let me be someone who I wasn't. So Evan taught me this trick of being blunt and honest. So here it goes, kids. My name is Shaelie Wood and I am behind the bold curtain of Evan Lindstrom.
Why do we feel that it's not worth it? Not worth it because of failure. Guess what- it's worth it. Life is worth being honest to yourself. And life is worth being brave and bold. And Life is worth it because it could be gone within a matter of seconds. Thanks Evan.
This is the last post from Evan Lindstrom. Its been real...
For my last entry i want to do it for me- people may not relate or like this post. Here is a list of my childhood memories. Getting older is a rough life, graduating is exciting, yet depressing. so lets toast to growing up-- i hate you, love me :)
all stars soccer team
cousins club every friday night
french braids
junnie b jones
trampolines
skorts
razor scooter
alpine elementary
Disney Channel
Jr jazz
kholers kids day
I hated swimming lessons, but i loved going because of my attractive swimming teacher Jonathon Barlow.
talking into fans
tube socks with ruffels
arthur
polly pockets
gas station slushies
visors
throwing otter-pop wrappers underneath our trampoline in the ground.
monkey bars blisters
Crush on Matt Zwick 1st grade to 4th. Even though i was a foot taller than him.
I remember talking with God. Picking my mom out. I told God what I needed- but it was useless cause he already knew. I asked him to bless me with a mother of courage and strength. An angel that learns for her past and becomes more and more like you every day. A mother of gentleness and forgiveness. I remember telling him I really needed a patient mother, a mother to chase me up the stairs threatening to tickle me if I didn't do the dishes fast enough. I pleaded to have a mother of charity. A mother who was a mother to everyone. I remember asking god to give me a beautiful one. Because happiest ones are always the most beautiful. "God? I really need a mother who is understanding and comforting." I said. I remember God smiling back at me and saying, "sweet child, she is. I have prepared her well, and she's perfect." I asked for a mother that was the most like me. I wanted a mom that would be my best friend. I wanted a mother that I could trust- an honest mother that taught me and my sisters integrity. I want a mother that I want to be like. I am not ashamed, or disapointed in what god picked out for me. God chose a mother far beyond my expectations- I couldn't have made or chosen the mother I was thinking of. Only god could. God knew what I needed even though I tried reminding him before I came here. He knew what I would face in this life and e he knew the perfect mother to accompany me.
As God looks down through the ceiling of our home he smiles and wraps his arm around his daughter, my beautiful mother and says. "Sweet child, I am proud of you. You are becoming the exact mother I intended for you." He smiles as he looks down and sees my mother wipe tears from her daughters cheeks when we are heartbroken. When her kids are giggling in the bathtub as she lathers are backs in baby soap. God smiles when we are singing around the piano praises of his name. He smiles when we have learned a lesson. He smiles when we come running when we smell her homeade wheat bread. He smiles when she burries our toes in the sand. God smiles when we embrace our mom in her arms and tell her thank you. Thank you for being you. He smiles because it only happens once in a while. My mother deserves everything and more. She will inherit heaven.
I love my mom more than I love homeade peach ice cream on sunburned lips. I love her more than I love dancing barefoot in wet grass. More than I love snowflakes on my eyelashes. I love her more than anything. God knew what mother I needed- and she's more than I ever imagined. Only a God could create mothers. And I hope to be a a fraction of what my mom is. I love you mom. I pray to God every night thanking him for blessing me with a mother like you.
I sat in my bed reading- waiting for my eyelids to get heavy enough to close. When I heard my dad's calm and comforting voice from downstairs. I ran downstairs to find it was just a voice memo on my moms iPhone of my dad telling one of his childhood stories to my little sisters as they dozed off. they couldn't fall asleep until they heard their daddy's voice and listened one of his exaggerated stories. I laid down beside them and listened too. there is nothing more that I love than one of his stories. I probably should have grown out of loving my dads humor along with his songs and stories by now. I secretly sit behind my little sister's door when hes home telling one of his classics. For he is in Mongolia tonight. and tomorrow he will be in Taiwan. And 2 weeks ago he was in Russia and France. He is doing his job and has the opportunity to travel to places hes always wanted to. when hes lucky, my mom will join him. but not tonight- because she has a job to do as well.
his voice is all I need to know he loves me. his warm hugs and smile. His eyes that glisten when he is trying not to laugh. his sincere and understanding heart. his head bobbing while he sings "come on Eileen". his squeaky shoes on the basketball court when he is running drills with us. his time he spends with each one of his daughters and date nights with mom. when he calls me to get up for school with his cheesy "up and at-um!". His creative and artistic skills when he colors during church with the four year old.
Tonight his voice put me to sleep and I pretended he was tucking me in like a taco like he used to when I was small. truth is even when he has to be gone- hes not really. he still calls and gives me advice and tells my mom he loves her more than anything. and when he gets home, its like he was never gone. He kisses my mom and wraps all of us girls in his arms. i never doubt his love. and i never doubt that he is the best dad in the world. When I heard my dads voice tonight, i realized that a voice is all i need. I can call a higher father along with my own dad. Not only does he love me like my dad- but he knows me better than I know myself. That father knows whats in store for me and what I need to be prepared for. but my dad is his sidekick keeping me in order and showing that I am loved. We all are. and I know that both my fathers are 100% aware of me. So i give a shout out to my dad in Mongolia tonight. Cause he is the best at what he does. See you in a week, I love you Dad!
**(don't worry mom, i am working on a dynamite mothers day post for you. ;)
This scene in the movie "500 Days of Summer" is one of my favorite scenes in this movie because the format and the way they portrayed Tom and his disappointment. It exposes Tom's expectations and thoughts. But also shows the reality of his relationship with Summer.
Expectations Ruin Reality.
I expected him to grab my shoulder and pull me in for a hug-
yet in reality i pretended not to see him.
i didnt want him to ruin my night--
i was done with being disappointed and hurt.
I expected her to call, she knew i was going through
rough patches, but i should have called cause so was she.
but in reality we were both self centered and we
both waited by the phone. helplessly.
I expected to get stickers or race car
in the bottom of my lucky charms. but in reality
I got jipped. not so Lucky after all.
I expected you to remember
cause i thought we were best friends
but in reality, that phrase "Best friends"
gets thrown around too much.
I expected my dad to come running
when I screamed because there was a spider in our kitchen,
but in reality he expected me to grow up
and smash it with my little sisters bright purple croc. by myself.
I expected that purple rubber croc to squish the spider
that croc let me down, the spider got away.
I knew i expected too much out of that
ugly pointless shoe. I'm embarrassed for my little sister.
I expected my mom to be disappointed and mad
when i came in long after curfew.
yet in reality she knew something was wrong
and wrapped me in her loving arms. she was there
for me and she always will be.
I expected my teacher to careless about me,
i expected her to be disappointed and embarrassed.
yet in reality she cared for me like one of her own daughters.
she gave me advice to be more confident-
she told me not to let others shoot me down,
she told me to realize how important i am.
I am far from perfect, so why do i think its okay for me to criticize everyone when they disappoint me? so that's the trick everybody. realize. realize that people will be disappointed in me because i won't live up to their expectations. but also realize that when you have little or no expectations you will be pleasantly surprised and happier. you will feel appreciation for the little things. when in reality are the big things.
Don't expect things from people if they cant expect the same from you. step it up- be better and expect less.
