Shout Out's and Thank You's

Shout out To the girl I feel honored to know, you are the closest thing to an angel. You dance when you walk and no one has the power or presence to take your smile away. Thank you for your great example- I want to be you because you want to be like Him.

S/O To the kid that hates eating in front of people and secretly wants to be a professional singer--Thank you for being honest. And telling me what I need to hear. Thanks for being my brother- I’m glad I don’t have to lose you like everyone else.

 

S/O To the Blondie that ran into my screen door—thanks for making me smile. You will always be my best friend no matter what comes next, don’t listen to the haters… they’re just jealous. Don’t let anyone take your light away. Thanks for dancing even when you feel like you can’t :) you are so positive and happy- but I know when you’re not okay, just know that I will always be here for you bud

 

S/O to the kid that used to be a tool—I am a fan of the new you. Thanks for being so genuine and aware. That late Sunday night when we laid on my hard kitchen floor laughing till it hurt- we should have been working but it was too late to be doing anything else but laughing. Thanks for showing me how a girl needs to be treated.

 

S/O To my cat. Thank you for living so long. Even though I joke about you dying- I don’t mean it…thanks for not listening. I should be more sensitive.

 

S/O To the hot and dangerous freckled little lady. Thank you for being real.  You can look into my eyes and I feel like you are staring into my soul- I can’t hide anything from you. You have the talent of getting close to people. Thank you for loving people and having the desire to know them. You know them by their hearts, not just facts. Thank you for being you and being proud of it.

 

S/O To my baby friend who I don’t even call her by her real name. Thanks for being you. You have taught me to not be defined by the people who you are surrounded by, but to be defined by your desires and by your heart. Thanks for being so easy to talk to. I consider you as one of my best friends even though I am still getting to know you.

S/O To the eyes of a guy who stares at the floor. I feel honored to know the real you- the you that rarely gets exposed. You are one of the guys that I will miss the most- thank you for opening up to me. You make me feel so comfortable and so loved. Thank you- I needed it.

 

S/O To the deep and tender kid that used to run his fingers through my hair. Everything about you I have learned to appreciate and love. You manage to make everyone feel like a million bucks. Even though you are growing distant- I will always look up to you, and strive to find someone like you. Thank you.

S/O To my twin who is giggly and has the “same arm” as me…haha Thank you for loving me and my quirks. You are beautiful inside and out. You wear that golden necklace- because you are proud of your beliefs. Thank you for being so strong and honorable. You are one of the few that understand me, thank you. We walked down those shiny streets whispering about our lives and sharing secrets no one else knows. You are the most trustworthy person I know, thank you.

 

S/O To my second family. I love you guys, thank you for being so reliable. I know whenever I am having a hard day either at home or school I can come running. Thank you for being loving and accepting. I am sorry what your family has gone through this year and I am grateful that even through hard times- you haven’t changed. I’m sorry I am drifting lately- it’s for the better, its already hard enough.

 S/O To the bullies at jr high that think my sister is a target. Thank you for letting me spend time with my little sister at home on Friday nights. You guys have opened my eyes to her. So… thank you?...

S/O To the 2 golden boys that sandwich me in their arms. Thank you for becoming my examples. You are both so genuine and thoughtful. Thanks for picking me up when I’m down and telling me to smile during sad dolphin movies. Thank you for being lights in this dark world, I love you both!

S/O To my basketball coach who taught me to “stick my hand in the cookie jar”. Thanks for always believing in me and showing me myself. I walked out of your office with tears in my eyes knowing I am loved and am aware of. Thank you for telling me what I need to hear. Thank you for seeing me through sincere and loving eyes. I appreciate how frank you are. Thank you.

S/O To little Em-- Your mom misses you and loves you so so much. I am sorry this had to happen to you. I feel honored to be one of the many women in your life that are making up for your mother. You are a saint and I love you dearly. I worry and cry for you often, thank you for your hugs and kisses on the forehead; you are a sweet little angel sent down for a lot of us. Thank you.

 

Thank you.

What Happened to the Present?

                                              

I’m worrying about how much sleep I will get tonight. I am thinking of all the homework I have to get done by third period. What’s for dinner? Am I free Saturday night? What am I going to wear on Tuesday? I am worrying about Prom- even though it’s still a week away. I can’t wait to wear the dress that makes me feel like a princess, but I know I’d rather wear leggings and a big t shirt with my hair falling out of my pony tail. I know I’m going to be wishing I was in sneakers. And I am going to be wishing I wasn’t strapped to my date the whole night- I’m not really the mushy romantic type- id rather be dancing with everyone like I didn’t have to impress. I wish I could just dance and no one would judge me if I was uncoordinated. I can’t wait for my hair to grow longer. I can’t wait for college. I think about packing up and moving- even though I don’t have to until September. I hope I have enough money to go through college. I can’t wait to graduate. Wait. What? Stop. Graduation is in a month and I am going to be wishing high school had lasted longer. I am going to be wishing I kissed more boys. I am going to be wishing I had time back on the dance floor with my…”prince?”. I am going to regret staying mad at my sister for taking my shirt to college. I am going to be wishing I spent more time with my family. I am going to regret worrying about fitting in during high school. I am going to wish I studied harder.

 

But you know what? During this post I have lived in the future and the past. But not once I was happy about the present I was living in. regrets make life miserable. They hold you back and won’t allow you to more on and keep moving forward. Regrets are the things that keep you In the past. Yet wishes are things of the future that are sometimes hard to control. Just let it happen. Just let life happen without regrets and to learn to live in the present. I realize that’s why high school went by so fast. I always had something to look forward to- but I never lived in the present. I want to enjoy high school and what’s left of it. I need to stop worrying about graduation and college- and just focus on the time I have right now. Cause there’s not much of it left.

Did It Hurt?

He stands there like a king high on his throne 
looking down on the rest of us thinking he can go around
shattering our esteem and crushing my heart.
little does he know i cringe when he smiles.
not because hes happy, but because
I used to be- when he looked and noticed me.
I realize I've been blind, but now i see.
i just want to know,
did it hurt him just as much as it hurt me?


that king didn't really notice me- you did.
it was you who cared and comforted.
it was you who was at the bottom of the food chain.
I should have listened to you.
I was better for you- but you weren't better for me.
I know I have to break your heart like he broke mine,
but its not easy.
its harder breaking than being broken.


I know you better than anyone else.
                       it hurts more knowing it hurts you.


the king made it look so easy- easy being heartless.
but i'm not a king, I know how it feels to be under the stampede.
please stop looking at me like I am a queen-
I don't deserve it- knowing my on us views are unchanged. 

Black Out Poetry

please remember, be kind regardless of frustration and imperfection.

under my skin was light

"It seems only yesterday I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I could shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed. "(Billy Collins)

 

 

a list of confessions

#1 when i wrote the title i accidentley wrote congestion instead of confession... okay here we go, a
 LIST OF CONFESSIONS (or quirks-- same thing)
(not even my mom knows about any of these...)

• my dad makes better sandwiches than my mom- by far.
•  i pop my knuckles and bony toes before i climb into bed.
• i am scared to read out loud in front of people
•  when i was little i would sneak play dough into my closet and eat it.
• i still haven't washed the shirt i wore when we went our first and probably only date... its been 4 months. but i haven't wore it either. 
•  i find big ears cute--- something that shouldn't be attractive but is.
•  i have to brush my teeth with warm water
•  I cried when i saw the car in front of me hit a deer.
• I kissed your head when we were playing in the snow
•  i hate white bread
•  i am self conscious of my eyebrows
•  i think sneezing is the cutest thing.
•  i cried driving home that night when i lied to you that everything was okay. i cried because i didn't want you to know you were the cause. 
• my sister eats kit kats wrong... but i don't have the heart to tell her.
• my collarbones hurt when i laugh too hard- wired huh? i probably have a disease or something.
• when a situation gets awkward i tend to dance or wiggle.
• i am a water snob. clean water doesn't always mean it tastes good.
•  
•  
• anyways... yeah....**awkward wiggle.

smile- you are loved just because.

dont let your paint chip.

the stranded, helpless, and forgotten.
this chair is only forgotten because everything around it is dead and barren.
the chair waits patiently for the blossoms to bloom to accompany him.
the chair is alone.
yet once the sun shines and the grass regains life- this chair will also regain life.
its not lonely anymore.

how often are we willing to patiently wait for others to change?
this chair is still bright blue and the paint seems fresh.
even with the cold, hard, dry ground.
the chair still stands.
nothing about the chair will change in the spring and summer- but its the surroundings that will.
this chair may seem more vibrant when the grass is greener...or the sun is brighter.

be patient and wait. be patient with your surroundings to become as bright as you are. don't allow the wind and rain to chip your paint.