youv'e already spoken.

IF YOU CAN BEAR TO HEAR THE TRUTH... YOUV'E SPOKEN.

I'm ready. tell me the truth.
I'm ready to stop hearing the lies of the world.

im ready to stop lying to myself.
im ready to take the blame.

im fine.
im ready.
im not afraid.
 and I have no doubts...
I say im ready but im lying again.

one thing I know is that I am itching to speak--- but I cant speak until I bear to hear the truth...

Remember Me?

The most important word in the English language is not love.

It is remember.- Alice C

 

What ever happened to us being best friends? Remember the days when we could sit on my grandma’s swings and talk forever. We were awkward children but never around each other. Steal the flag and football were your favorite, I wasn’t good at them- but you made me think so.

when you got nervous around adults and other girls you would rub your hands together- even though they were already sweaty enough.

remember when we thought we were so funny blowing into our elbows making farting noises? yeah that was funny. we peed our pants laughing.

you didnt need real friends back then- i was enough. when we were suppose to be sleeping we would sneak into the closet under the stairs and play video games. I hated video games- but you loved them.

we played crack the egg on the trampoline. you could always crack me. but you were uncrackable. not fair.

we would help your mom with her laundry because we could do anything together and it would still be fun- even if it was laundry.

those lemonade stands were always a fail. we would get bored and jump on our scooters instead.

when we got older you would tell me about the girls who you wished you had a chance with- except you were too scared to talk to them. you were too scared to talk to any girls... i didnt count.

you would dunk me under the icy water when we went to the lake. i wasnt strong enough to dunk you- but you would let me win.

remember being best friends? nothing mattered. we didnt care about anything.

youre different now. you are confident. you could get any girl in the whole school. you dont talk to me anymore. when people ask me about you I still say we are best friends.. but are we? i miss you and your old self that wasnt worried about what everyone thought. I miss telling you to not be so scared to talk to her- now you know how cool you are. i miss the humble kid. i want him back. i want my best friend back.

the kid who i am friends with right now isnt the same kid that was only funny around me... am i jealous? maybe. but not because im not your only friend anymore- but because the kid who everyone loves is not the kid who i loved.

i still love you the the moon and back- and i know you still love me.... but loving isnt the point. its REMEMBERING.

 

vulnerability.

Everyone is vulnerable. I am vulnerable. I choose to be susceptible to being wounded or hurt. I choose to be weak. I've never really been hurt before- maybe because I don’t let it hurt me. But I’m changing. I become someone else when I’m around you. I get scared- not of you, just the thought of what we could become. And that scares me.
Time also scares me. We only have a little of it left, until you leave. You leave everything and I stay here wondering what could have been… and waiting to find out.
“Stop lying to yourself”-me talking to myself. Nothing is going to happen in the future if something doesn't happen now. Either forget about him and move on… or find the courage to leap, no turning back. No regrets. i will gain strength and power by becoming vulnerable. Knowledge and experience is power. This is upside down…but only because I am confused and trying to be someone I've never been before.
  

it takes courage to make the magic happen...

"life begins at the end of your comfort zone...." 

have the courage to make the magic happen.

You’re My Hero

Daddy, you’re my hero.

 You sang me lullabies about love

  I still remember every word.

My dad loved my mom to the moon and back

They still look at each other-the way I wish someday I will be looked at.

Mom and dad… you are my hero.

 

Dear high school kid that already carries his scriptures around,

You are my hero. Thank you for your example and being mission bound.

You have a light in your eyes- everyone can see.

You are the kind of person I want to be.

 

To the girl who hides her feelings- and puts on a smile,

You are my hero- your kindness to others goes on for miles.

She finds joy in others’ successes- and forgets about the world’s possessions.

I am a stranger to you, yet she’s still my friend- you will never know how much it meant.

 

You are my hero- though you may not think so.

You don’t expect recognition, a blue ribbon, or bow.

That’s why you are my hero- you have character and integrity.

Thank you for being you and reminding me of who I strive to be.

 

 

empty jar of wishes.

Running with the grass beneath palms of my feet. The moon light is enough light in contrast to the thick darkness surrounding me. There is always light above-even when it seems dim. I chase fireflies and put those wishes in my jar.  I can only see the fireflies when I am unable to see anything else.

Those fireflies are my wishes. I only have those wishes when I can’t see anything else. I am lost… so I wish.

I wish I was more confident. I wish I was smarter. I wish I wasn’t so passive. I wish I wasn’t afraid to speak my mind- (with the exception of this anonymous blog.)I wish I was able to get over my insecurities and enjoy life, for everything that it is and what it has in store for me.

I wish YOU wouldnt forget how important you are and how much you mean to me. I wish your pride wouldn’t get in the way of a happy life. I wish you were brave enough to follow your hopes and goals.

That’s what these wishes should be---HOPES AND GOALS. Wishes are only things that we are too scared to make happen, so we blame the faulty stars, candles, and fireflies when they don’t come true. Blame yourself.

 Empty your jar of wishes and fill it with hopes.

I hope I am forgiving. I hope I am one of those people that strangers look up to. I hope I’m one of those girls that walks into a room and brings light and happiness with her. I hope I am trusting and worthy of your trust. These are hopes. I am going to do something about it. Today.