Did It Hurt?

He stands there like a king high on his throne 
looking down on the rest of us thinking he can go around
shattering our esteem and crushing my heart.
little does he know i cringe when he smiles.
not because hes happy, but because
I used to be- when he looked and noticed me.
I realize I've been blind, but now i see.
i just want to know,
did it hurt him just as much as it hurt me?


that king didn't really notice me- you did.
it was you who cared and comforted.
it was you who was at the bottom of the food chain.
I should have listened to you.
I was better for you- but you weren't better for me.
I know I have to break your heart like he broke mine,
but its not easy.
its harder breaking than being broken.


I know you better than anyone else.
                       it hurts more knowing it hurts you.


the king made it look so easy- easy being heartless.
but i'm not a king, I know how it feels to be under the stampede.
please stop looking at me like I am a queen-
I don't deserve it- knowing my on us views are unchanged. 

Black Out Poetry

please remember, be kind regardless of frustration and imperfection.

under my skin was light

"It seems only yesterday I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I could shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed. "(Billy Collins)

 

 

a list of confessions

#1 when i wrote the title i accidentley wrote congestion instead of confession... okay here we go, a
 LIST OF CONFESSIONS (or quirks-- same thing)
(not even my mom knows about any of these...)

• my dad makes better sandwiches than my mom- by far.
•  i pop my knuckles and bony toes before i climb into bed.
• i am scared to read out loud in front of people
•  when i was little i would sneak play dough into my closet and eat it.
• i still haven't washed the shirt i wore when we went our first and probably only date... its been 4 months. but i haven't wore it either. 
•  i find big ears cute--- something that shouldn't be attractive but is.
•  i have to brush my teeth with warm water
•  I cried when i saw the car in front of me hit a deer.
• I kissed your head when we were playing in the snow
•  i hate white bread
•  i am self conscious of my eyebrows
•  i think sneezing is the cutest thing.
•  i cried driving home that night when i lied to you that everything was okay. i cried because i didn't want you to know you were the cause. 
• my sister eats kit kats wrong... but i don't have the heart to tell her.
• my collarbones hurt when i laugh too hard- wired huh? i probably have a disease or something.
• when a situation gets awkward i tend to dance or wiggle.
• i am a water snob. clean water doesn't always mean it tastes good.
•  
•  
• anyways... yeah....**awkward wiggle.

smile- you are loved just because.

dont let your paint chip.

the stranded, helpless, and forgotten.
this chair is only forgotten because everything around it is dead and barren.
the chair waits patiently for the blossoms to bloom to accompany him.
the chair is alone.
yet once the sun shines and the grass regains life- this chair will also regain life.
its not lonely anymore.

how often are we willing to patiently wait for others to change?
this chair is still bright blue and the paint seems fresh.
even with the cold, hard, dry ground.
the chair still stands.
nothing about the chair will change in the spring and summer- but its the surroundings that will.
this chair may seem more vibrant when the grass is greener...or the sun is brighter.

be patient and wait. be patient with your surroundings to become as bright as you are. don't allow the wind and rain to chip your paint.

youv'e already spoken.

IF YOU CAN BEAR TO HEAR THE TRUTH... YOUV'E SPOKEN.

I'm ready. tell me the truth.
I'm ready to stop hearing the lies of the world.

im ready to stop lying to myself.
im ready to take the blame.

im fine.
im ready.
im not afraid.
 and I have no doubts...
I say im ready but im lying again.

one thing I know is that I am itching to speak--- but I cant speak until I bear to hear the truth...